Today was all about accepting the things that I cannot do. I hadn't intended on taking on this particular goal this week, or in fact today, but it seemed the goal chose to take me on today. At every turn, Karma or God or Fate was trying to teach me that I cannot control or organize or reign in everything in my life.
I cannot control the teacher whose class made him late to relieve me from my proctoring assignment that thus made me late for my second period class. Nor can I control the child who wants to fail my class. And sometimes things are bigger than me, bigger than I expect them to be, or even bigger than I ever wanted them to be.
Sometimes, I am Alice - the small - standing so diffidently in front of the gigantic door wondering if I will ever figure out how to reach the knob to turn it and get out of here. To where? I do not know, perhaps to another meadow with greener grass. I do not know what lies beyond this oversized door and yet something tells me I should go through it; I'm supposed to go through it because I chose to follow the white rabbit and I fell down this deep dark hole in my world.
Perhaps I could choose to forget the white rabbit and all his promises of adventure and go back to my books, climb back up the rabbit hole and return to the sunlight. The choice is mine after all.
Do I accept the things that I cannot do and leave the gigantic door for someone else who may or may not lead the adventure the way I would've? Do I climb out of the rabbit hole and back to the world I know, back into the sunlight and away from the exhaustion and the sorrows and the confusion and the bumfuzzlement that the rabbit hole has brought me?
I have taken the first step and passed the first test as Alice. I've admitted that in my current size I cannot reach the door knob and that without a little bottle or cake, I cannot hope to change my situation.
Without changing who I am, I cannot go through that door. So I sit here and gather strength for the journey back home.
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